


too far down

by cheinsaw



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Established Relationship, F/F, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-03 16:43:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1751534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheinsaw/pseuds/cheinsaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Comforting Parsee during one of her bad days requires patience, caring, and love. Fortunately, Yuugi has all of these, plus a supply of snacks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	too far down

It's a bright and sunny day, and Parsee feels like utter shit.

She's only gotten out of bed today to draw the blinds in her room, and then drape blankets on top of them for good measure. Her head is pounding, and stray sunlight isn't going to help, so she's buried herself under the covers. She doesn't want to think. If she thinks it will only mean she'll start hating herself more. And why shouldn't she, when everyone else is better, and no one even cares about her? No one would miss her if she was gone. Everyone would probably be happier, actually.

The inexplicable sadness is weighing down on her when there's a knock on the door. Parsee pretends to be asleep. "Parsee? You awake?" Shit, it's Yuugi. Shit, shit, shit, she was supposed to go on a date with Yuugi today. And she forgot. _Shit_. She's the worst, the very worst, doesn't deserve to even have a girlfriend. "I'm gonna come in."

Parsee stays motionless as Yuugi opens the door and crosses the room, sitting down on the bed next to Parsee's curled-up body. She delicately pulls the blankets back, and the next thing Parsee knows, Yuugi's blowing in her ear.

"Hah! Knew you'd be awake. Your front door was open."

"What are you doing here," Parsee asks flatly, staring at the wall across the room.

"I wanted to make sure you were alright, since I didn't hear from ya."

"I'm not feeling well. Sorry."

"What's wrong?" Her voice has turned caring. "Can I get anything for you? Like, uh, I brought Cheez-Its. And I can make some pretty good soup—"

"'M not hungry." Parsee rolls over so her back is to Yuugi. "You should leave."

"I don't want to," Yuugi replies, matter-of-factly.

"Go. Please, just go. You're better off without me. I don't want you here." It stings a bit to say, but she's only trying to protect Yuugi from being hurt by her in the long run. No one wants to deal with someone like Parsee. She's sure of it.

Yuugi's quiet for a moment. "Nah."

"I mean it! Leave. Just, just go." Her voice is starting to crack, but she's willing herself not to cry, not in front of Yuugi.

Yuugi starts to stroke Parsee's hair gently. "Not unless you tell me what's wrong."

"Don't touch me," Parsee mumbles, but it's a halfhearted request. Nevertheless, Yuugi draws her hand back, but Parsee can still almost feel it. Phantom touches.

Yuugi waits. It takes Parsee a moment to realize she wants to know why Parsee's not feeling well. Whatever. Not like she could help anything. She doesn't know what it's like to constantly fight her own mind and _lose_. Parsee's jealous. She wants to be normal. Normal. Not fucked up. This is fucked up, she's all wrong and broken and—

"It's just a bad day," she says quietly, and that's true, but almost every day is a bad day, and that's when she breaks down and starts to cry.

"Oh, Par," Yuugi says, hoisting Parsee up into a hug. Parsee doesn't resist this time, and lets herself cry against Yuugi's chest. Yuugi rubs her back, and murmurs soothingly to Parsee as she cries. Parsee dully realizes that she's never been held while she cried before, and it makes her cry harder, though it also fills her with a funny feeling. When she's mostly calmed down, Yuugi breaks the silence by asking if she wants any tissues. Parsee sniffles, but makes a declining noise.

"Do you want to talk at all?" Yuugi asks quietly.

Parsee thinks for a moment before making her decision. "I..." How to say it? How to explain the crushing awful sadness and misery to someone as carefree as Yuugi? "I really... hate myself," she whispers. 

"I love you, though," Yuugi replies, and it seems to surprise them both. "I mean, uh, I guess I just don't understand, because I always see the best in you? Somethin' like that. What's there to hate?"

Parsee slumps a bit, though her heart is still a bit excited at Yuugi suddenly saying she loves her. "I didn't choose to be this way."

There's a long pause before Yuugi says, "Maybe you're depressed. Does your dad know?"

"Wouldn't care," Parsee mumbles. "He's got his own problems... I shouldn't have said anything to you either, you probably have other stuff to worry about—"

"Parsee," Yuugi says sharply, and then, softer, "I care. I want you to be happy."

"I can't," Parsee says into Yuugi's shoulder.

"Then, how can I help ya? What do you want to do?"

Die. The thought is so strong in Parsee's mind that she can't think of another answer, even a bullshit one, to pacify Yuugi. _I want to die I want to die I want to die_. But she doesn't say it, just presses herself against Yuugi, and Yuugi hugs her tighter in response. Yuugi's body is so warm, and her scent and the feel of her strongly toned muscles are calming. Parsee wishes she could just forget about the whole world and stay just like this with Yuugi. Because, here, she isn't jealous, not of anyone. Why would she be? Yuugi is holding her. Yuugi wants her. Yuugi loves her.

"I'm sorry, Yuugi," Parsee whispers. It's the only thing she can think to say, but she means it.

"'S alright."

"I love you."

Yuugi chuckles. "I love you too." 

* * *

 

True to her word, Yuugi does make good soup. And after Parsee's eaten, Yuugi manages to convince her to get out of bed. She asks a couple times if Parsee wants to be left alone, but Parsee gets the feeling that if she says yes Yuugi won't leave anyway, and besides, she's starting to feel a little better with the company. Yuugi doesn't push her to do anything, just kind of nudges her in the right direction. She's glad to have Yuugi there with her, glad that Yuugi isn't upset that her problems got in the way of their date.

They spend the afternoon cuddled on the couch watching bad reality TV with Yuugi’s box of Cheez-Its. To Parsee’s surprise, Yuugi lets her eat all of them. "As many as you want! They're for you anyway." When they tire of that, Parsee's content to just lean against Yuugi, curled in her arms. Yuugi kisses every single freckle on Parsee's face, and Parsee laughs so hard she cries. And for the first time, she comes out of a depressed state feeling warm and safe, and knowing she's loved.  


**Author's Note:**

> title comes from a husker du song, which is pretty brutally Real in terms of describing depression. i hope i've managed to capture it as well as they did.


End file.
